“Ahhhh! My child’s tantrums are out of control” this is usually the state of mind parents and caretakers are in when they reach out to me for help. There number one question is very often “how do I deal with tantrums.” It’s no mystery that temper tantrums can drive adults crazy, especially when they lead to embarrassing moments, judgmental stares, and unwelcome advice.
Surprisingly, as children get older, tantrums don’t stop! In adolescents, these behaviors shift in form ranging from indifference, anger, and frustration. But all hope isn’t lost; just because your child has a tantrum doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Big emotions are a normal part of a child’s development. In this blog post, I’m answering FAQs that I receive from parents and caregivers about navigating your child’s tantrums.
What is a tantrum?
Parents and caregivers often ask “why do children throw tantrums?” and “what do tantrums mean?”
At its core, a tantrum is a difficulty in emotion regulation resulting in behaviors such as crying, yelling, or being really stubborn. On the opposite end of the spectrum, but still considered a tantrum, is completely withdrawing. Depending on the child, the Big Emotions being displayed will look different.
Is my child’s behavior developmentally appropriate?
Tantrums are typically a normal part of a child’s development as they navigate through various emotions and learn to express themselves. As a child psychologist, before I can provide a comprehensive answer to this question, I always encourage parents and caregivers to diligently observe and understand the ABCs of emotions – the antecedents, behaviors, and consequences. By closely examining these aspects, we gain valuable insights into why tantrums occur and how we can effectively support children in managing their emotions. It’s a process that promotes a deeper understanding of a child’s emotional landscape and empowers both children and caregivers to navigate through challenging moments with empathy and patience.
A- Antecedent, or the event preceding the tantrum.
B- Behavior, what exactly is your child doing during their Big Emotion?
C- Consequence, the consequence is exactly what happens after that, Big Emotion has occurred.
What can I do to minimize tantrums?
As kids grow up , these emotional outbursts usually decrease. But, if they happen frequently and disrupt your everyday family life, it’s important to address. My recommendation is for parents and caregivers to be patient and to be provide consistent responses. Also, I’ve noticed some effective strategies that other families have found helpful, and I’d love to share them with you:
- Learn Triggers and Take Preventive Measures: Understanding what triggers your child’s tantrums is crucial for effective prevention. Identify these triggers to proactively avoid situations that may cause tantrums.
- Remain Calm: Stay calm when your child is having a tantrum. This can help deescalate the situation and model appropriate behavior for your child.
- Distraction and Diversion: Redirect your child’s attention to something else when you see a tantrum brewing.
- Ignoring the Tantrum: Very often, during tantrums children exhibit attention seeking behavior. By ignoring the tantrum, you might discourage this behavior in the future.
- Reinforcing Good Behavior: Don’t forget to praise your child when they manage their frustrations well. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool in managing tantrums.
- Remember, each child is unique. What works for one might not work for another. Patience and consistency are key in managing tantrums effectively.
Big Emotions come in many shapes and range from outbursts to silent withdrawal. Once you understand what’s causing your child’s tantrums, you and a mental health provider can begin to develop strategies for helping your child navigate these emotions.
If you would like support in helping your child navigate their Big Emotions, You can visit our services page for detailed information about our services.